Falling

Falling. In. Love.

I love the feeling of falling in love at the beginning. The first rush of blood to your heart that makes it pumps faster when you see that someone. The crushes, the infactuation and the obsessions that made you so not yourself. That feeling of wanting more, but yet "more" are actually the very little things to begin with.

That first feeling of excitement you get when he walks past. That flush of red in your cheeks when he leans close to you. That feeling of almost bursting into gazillion of pieces when he talks to you for the first time. That sweet sensation when your shoulders/fingers brushed against each other and when your eyes met for the first time. That electric shot you get when he smiles at you. *Oh gosh!* How your insides must've felt like a twister! How youre so nervous that you stumble every. single. time. whenever you talk to him. Always trying to make a good impression but often failing cause of "overdoing" it. *Laughs*

Slowly, you became from strangers to friends; from never knowing of each other's existance to somehow noticing of one another almost everywhere we go. As we take one step further into the friends zone, there are so many more chances for us to take. With your friends constantly pushing you to make the first move, the first time when he accepts your invite to lunch together, it makes you beamed with the hope of getting even closer. Then slowly, constant texts everyday became a routine. That moment when youre in the kitchen and you heard the message tone of your phone in the room, and that will be the only times you ran for anything. Every second of the day, you'll be waiting for his text and only his text will be able to lit up your day. Oh, just how easy it is to be happy and contented.

Through texts, and chats and occasional phone calls, slowly, youre starting to know him more and more. His favourite food, his favourite colour, how his laughter actually sounds pretty weird but thats just the way you love it. As you get to know him more, the more he gets to know you too. Yet, he doesnt stop talking to you even after knowing you. Guess youre not as repelling as you thought you are. So maybe, just maybe, there's this chance that he actually does like your personality?

Soon (hopefully), you plucked up your courage to ask him out. When he agrees, the night before your "big date", your whole closet would be dismantled just to find that 'perfect dress'. Planning every single detail of the date in hoping that he wont be bored and praying hard that you'll have so much fun, and maybe just maybe, you'll share that special kiss at the end of the day too.

Isnt falling in love a magical feeling? Its amazing how when you fall in love with that special someone, he seems so mysterious at first and you just wants to know him more. Yet, you may fear of what you will find out at the end. But as you unravel everything, you find yourself falling even deeper then you expected. Thats when you want more of him and cant get enough of him. Yet, even the simplest of things such as seeing him smile can make all those worries go away. And for the time being, you just wish you could stay by his side and see him smile every single moment. Just that alone, is enough to make you lose your head.

Im glad im one of the lucky ones who have experienced it. Im lucky that right now I have that special someone too. ((:

In my head

I love to create scenarios in my head. Doesn't everyone? I think everyone will definitely have a moment when they will imagine a scene that they hope will come true. But of course we all know they're just imaginary. If they really do come true, then we'll be psychic! Laughs.

Often when I'm alone - be it on the way out or usually on the way home - I will always daze off. That's when I will create all sorts of scenarios in my head. In one scene, I may be a singer, singing to a big crowd and in another, I may have a lil magical creature which is only visible to me. The absurd things I could think of. Laughs. But it's really amazing how some of them could become. Sometimes, even though you know it's unreal, you kinda hope that it will somehow come true. There's just this amazing feeling about creating scenes in your head that it always leaves behind a feeling of magic(?) I would say. Bits and pieces of your imagination and sometimes your dreams come together to form. And how special it is all comes down to your creativity(?) I guess.

Hmm. Don't know what I'm talking about either. Laughs. Sometimes there's just too many things going through my head all at once. If only I have this magical pen and notebook that could note down all my thoughts and feelings all the time. I'd bet it'll be damn awesome to read them.

Missing my girls

Currently am doing hair treatment at JB now. So shall just blog to pass my time.

Yesterday I had an impromptu dinner with Shuqi and Rosh at lotone. It's been a really long while since we hanged out. Everyone's so busy with school and work. Hardly do we find common time for meet ups. My dear Qi finally got a bf then she truly likes/loves. Am so glad for her! And also happy that they're going great.

Even though dinner and dessert was just a short 2 hours plus, it was so much fun. Really made me miss the old days whereby we always hang out after school to do so many stuff. Still remembered how we took/shoot videos of ourselves - dancing to girly man or "acting" in a horror film. Laughs. Miss the times when we always rent movies to watch and order pizzas while hanging in someone's house. Ahhhh. Just miss everyone so much. Can't wait to meet up with the girls soon!

Nostalgia's overwhelming me. Sigh. Managed to take a neoprint with the girls yesterday too. Another memory I will take with me. Rosh and shuqi's birthdays are coming up soon. Hopefully everyone will be able to meet up! I miss my girls like crazy!

Octopportunity

Today marks the last day of my 4th week in Abbott. Ironic about how I hated my course yet due to it I'm able to land a job so fast and easily. I'm on 4 months contract though. But right now, there's a position available cause my colleague's resigning. Many of my colleagues kinda prompted me to apply but of course I'm abit hesitant. Well no doubt the benefits and pay are super attractive but I have to think if I really wanna continue with this field and direction. Sigh. Headache. What more its stressing.

On the 22nd will mark the first year I'm with the boy. I would say there's alot of mixed feelings. Well of course I'm happy that we managed to come this far, but there's still a damn long way to go. What more he's enlisting at the end of the month. More obstacles to overcome man. It wasn't exactly smooth sailing for us either. Mostly I guess I'm more insecure about his feelings. He might still love me for now but I know he thinks that we don't belong together. And it's gonna be damn tiring if I'm the only one wanting to try and hang on. I mean I don't believe that 2 people whose personalities are world's apart can't come to an understanding. Regardless, I will keep trying to prove to the world and the boy that we can be together. I won't give up unless he utterly gives up, or when the day comes when he doesn't love me or wants me to leave. I will be strong!

I'm always posting about relationships on this blog. Damn. Laughs.

It's been a while.

Well, it's been a while indeed since i've last blogged. About half a year to be exact. Well, many things have happened definitely. Work, school, social life, family etc. Too many things to say that i dont know where to start. Work wise, have started going back to Arrows to work since April. Worked for the past ITfairs too including under Dell. Could only say that it was really one of my worse shows under Dell. Maybe i've just forgotten how to sell or maybe it was the crowd. Hoping its the crowd, not me. Meh. Also, in may i think, worked at carrefour as cashier for four days. Was definitely an experience.

On to school, finally its the last lap for me. Finished the last lap for FYP a few days back only. Had the final FYP presentation and was so relieve to hear that we had done a good job! Sleep deprived for almost two weeks or more due to the constant work we had to do be it for our final report or for our powerpoint presentation. Hectic nights. Also, was glad that i didnt have to work with le her anymore. *Phew* Cant say i have the best teammate ever. Can only say that le her was a pain in the ass! But, ITS FINALLY OVER! WOOOOO! Now all thats left are my final examinations for poly and im done! Im really gonna study hard and make sure that i pass all my modules. I am not staying back any longer!

Social life, social life, social life.. Well, nothing interesting to mention about actually. Didnt really made any new friends recently nor went anywhere interesting in the past few months. But i finally got the chance to go zouk and phuture! Had been wanting to club there but was always full house for the few times i tried to go. I likey like phuture's songs/remixes! Awesome playlist/dj. Went clubbing with the R and LY with a few other friends as well as LH and friends. Well, it was kinda unexpected that LH would join us actually. It was a first time clubbing with him. Hmm, not really first time. Second time i guess. The first was where i first met him. Laughs. Have been to the zoo, birdpark and night safari too this year, plus two trips to genting too. Guess i did went a few places after all. Kinda tourist like if you ask me. Oh wells.

Regarding family stuff, recently Aunty Amy flew to singapore with her 2 sons/my sister's stepbrothers. Its been quite a while since she came back. Benjamin and Nicolas came but not Antoine. Heard that he was busy with his school or music or something. Cant really remember. Anyways Benjamin was still as adorable as ever! Last time i saw him he was just like 6 and now he's turning 13! GOSH. And Nicolas has turned into this handsome dude with his cute mop of curls. Too bad he's too young - 17. But he aint my type anyways. Laughs. Aunty Amy's still the same i guess. But im happy for my sister still. Finally had the chance to see them. Hope they had a lot of fun in this one month.

Lastly, of course would be bout D i guess. It's been more than 9 months since we started. Yet the number of arguments we have doesnt seemed to be decreasing as time passes. I know we love each other. That im very certain of. What im not certain of, is how strong i am and how much of it i could withstand. Many times i told myself, "This is it. You gotta stop now before it's too late. Stop now before you break." But each time i dont have the courage nor the strength. I know its me actually. I admit im a difficult girl to handle. Cant help being this way though. I guess i need someone who's strong enough to handle. But im not giving up without a fight. Not this time. I will only give up when i know there's nothing left. Not this time. I know that we're going through a rough patch right now. I know that all of this is just a phase. I believe that if we can get past this, everything will be fine from there. Its just a phase.. Right?

I will learn to mean what i say, and to say what i mean.

On to February

Now on to February:

For the month of feb, its actually kinda hectic. Mostly i think cause exams are happening and most of my friends are graduating and are racing to finish the last lap of poly. That is, theyre busy with the last fyp presentations and reports. Its really saddening to see all my friends graduating together but yet i still have one last semester left. Dafuq seriously. But no one to blame but myself really. Anyways on a happier note, i finally finally FINALLY got to meet up and see my girls! Especially Elle! Omggg. Even though she came back to singapore due to an unfortunate incident, im really glad she came back and was able to contact us and meet up with us. It really touches your heart to see her being so strong and still being able to smile and laugh and all. Simply love her so. And i cant believe she actually sent me a long msg and wished me "Happy Birthday"! Too awesome can! Really hope that she can take care of herself and hope that she would have more chances to come back.


Also, of course who could forget that there's valentine's day?! Well, i didnt really celebrate valentine's day (as much as i wish i could) as both D and i were having our examinations and we spent the day mugging together. Ohh well. At least i got to be with him. Good enough. Plus he surprised me with a mug containing a teddybear, some sticks of hearts, flowers etc and *ahem*. Laughs. I did my part too by buying him famous amos cookies, d-i-y-ing a sorta Ed Monkton short stories-scrap book cause it was freaking expensive and i just "scrap-ed" the book through internet references. And last but not least, i did a sorta tumble would show thing by pasting the wall with stickynotes in the shape of a heart. I think it was pretty nice! Laughs.


The last phase of February would be examinations. My last paper falls on my birthday actually. Its not that bad, cause at least i dont need to spend the last hour of my paper mugging through the night. Especially on the day that comes only once in four years! So between my last paper and the second last, it had a week break. Instead of studying, i was actually already in holiday mood after the second last paper which wasnt exactly a good thing. *Yikes!* I went to jurong birdpark and the zoo with my girls and some on the first two days consecutively. Followed by going to the narnia exhibition at mbs with B. The narnia exhibition was quite fun actually, due to the wall of ice but mainly, it was for kids actually. It wasnt exactly a big scale event too. Movie-d with shihao on the following day. Caught moneyball starring brat pitt. The movie was good but wont say it was those memorable kinda movie. Met my girls the next day for dinner and i miss em so much! Havent saw them in like ages! Had a lot of laughs with them of course! Hmm. For my papers, studying/mugging were a drag definitely. But i guess with D, he kinda help motivate me to study. So thank you much!


Of course the most important event of February would definitely be my birthday! Bwahaha. But imma update on that again.


February hasnt exactly been a fabulous month. Kinda sucky if you asked me. Laughs. Had more quarrels/arguments with B more recently in Feb than usual too. Definitely not something i wanna. Also due to our hectic schedules and with school and stuff, it was so long since we finally could go out on a date once more. Definitely not my style. So had been coped up at home for waaaay too long. Made me moody being coped up facing four walls. I think i have a thing against walls man. Laughs. Anyways i promise i'll not try to walk away from you. I promise we'll always talk things out. I promise we'll solve every problems we have. I promise we'll get stronger yea. So yea, i owe you a lifetime of love, and you owe me a lifetime of it too.

During the Month of January.

I havent exactly posted in months now. And right now, there are too many things and happenings that i don't know how exactly im gonna summarize. So let's just try now.

First of all, January:

The only thing i could remember vividly in the month was actually just Lunar New Year. CNY was actually ho-hum. Like a yearly routine. Everything's just basically the same. Different thing would be that i have new clothes, new hair, and well, for this year, new beaut. Highlighted my hair bright red, and i totally love it! Was freaking relieved that my hair wasnt too spoiled even after furiously bleaching it! And D made a surprise appearance when i was doing my hair in the salon alone, even though he was kinda late to meet his friends in the west. Gotta thank him for that. During day two of cny, a last minute visit was made from D to my aunt's house cause i feel that its kinda basic courtesy (and important) that he should 'bai nian' to my elders. That being said, my aunt was acting on my parents behalf cause they were too busy. Oh wells. Turned out unexpectedly well! Pretty awesome that he actually could socialize with my aunt and her friends during our game of blackjack. And i could see the effort he tried to put in in being a good guest. Thank you D! But i guess i have to get used to some things for sure. Like taking food for myself and for D. Aint really sure if i'll ever get used to it. It always feels good to be taken care of ya know. Even if its little things like taking food for someone all the time. Guess i'll have a hard time adjusting to that now. One more thing, gotta thank D for fetching me down that night. I know how much he dislike me still caring for J and of course, me going down to meet him. And i guess i'll never get over the things i actually said to J. Maybe to some people, they dont feel that its bad enough. But believe me, more than half of the things i said really gets to me. I hate playing the bad guy. But some times, life doesnt exactly give you any choice. Standing there looking at you cry, was the hardest thing it was ever since we've know each other. Im sorry i broke your heart. But i hope you will understand my reasons. Even if you dont, i guess it doesnt matter actually. As much as i want to be your friend again, i know that be it in the present or in the future, it can never happen. Because what we once shared was just too strong. We will never looked at each other as a friend again. But J, i will always remember you. I will always love you. But im sorry to say that, im not in love with you anymore. Its someone else now who has my heart. Oh well, guess thats what i wanted to get off.