My Loves

I seriously question myself many-a-time : 'Why do i even bother to call back ?' And yes i know the answer to it : 'Because i still treasure this r/s .' I know that one day , there will be a time where by it won't be like this anymore - no more feeling unappreciated , no more feeling insecure and definitely no more feeling unloved(if there is such a word) . And when that time comes , i hope i will be able to love myself again .

Had a wonderful time since ages on Monday with J . Even though it was just having a simple dinner date , i must say i havent felt so joyful since heaven knows when .

Outing with my girls today . It was simply wonderful and awesome ! Hadnt had a good laugh for a very long time . Im not the type of person who laughs easily so it is quite rare for me to be able to laugh so heartily . It was really great today . Enjoyed it so much . Simply love my girls . Hope we can stay friends always . Hope they would always stay this pure and innocent . Xoxo .

Love in CNY

It's new year plus valentine's ! May the love be in everyone's angbaos !

Chinese new year has been alright . Traditional as always . Nothing new . Just visting and eating all the way . But its sad that i still have upcoming exams ! Grrr . Why cant some tiger just eat the exam papers !

Nyway wore the lovely dress + heels that J bought for me on the first day of CNY . Lovely ! Didn't get to eat my kimpo's fabulous and most awesome once-a-year curry chicken that i always look-forward-to though . Cause didn't visit her house this year . That's the sad part . But the happy part is that at least i still have my angbaos . Haha ! Have to study now ! Good luck to me ! UGH ! Red is said to be my lucky colour this year so i'll publish this in RED !

Waste of Time

Weee ! Super duper tired + drowsy right now . Didn't sleep the whole night . Couldn't sleep . Couldn't think . So went out at around 5am to the playground near my house and pondered over alot of things . Went back home at only 7am to get ready for school . Flip through the notes for the test in the train . Didn't have the mood for studying . But i guess im lucky enough . Passed the test still . But it was quite easy . And i managed to finish 20mcqs in less than 5minutes ! Wow . New record . I think im smart actually . Haha . Home-ed after the test . Supposed to have lessons all the way till one but had to get home early to prepare something . Was uber sleepy when i reached home but hafta drag myself . Had a 'hilarious moment' with mom while doing my stuff cause i need her help and she got mad but she really was so funny . LOL . Thought he will come on time but its late now . Don't really have the mood already . Actually i didn't plan to call him but what the heck . The thing is 'rotting' and i guess i shouldn't have prepared it in the first place . It was just a waste of my effort and time .

Can't sleep so im blogging now . Wanted to blog a few times already but just can't get myself to type . I just want to be treated better . I know im irritating . I know that . But i just can't help it . I just can't be left alone . Im afraid i would do something foolish . Not to you , but to myself . Because it happened before and i don't wanna repeat it . I don't want myself to get hurt again . I don't want to hurt myself again . I know im stupid . But i can't help being born stupid . Someone please help me . Help me get me back . I don't wanna be like this . I wanna be crazy and smile again . Not like this - insecure and crying .

Everything is replaying again . Just that , its worse this time . At least i have so many wonderful memories then . But now , i can't think of one happy moment . Maybe one , when the story first started . Im tired . Real tired . I really wish i can just give up . At least it wont hurt so much . Actually it was all over when you replied " Kinda ." to " No feelings ?" . I just didn't want to accept the fact . Im not strong you know . I hate myself for being so weak . I know you're just deceiving me when you say you still love me . Im just deceiving myself as well . I just can't stop loving you . Because i can't forgive you . I never could . I thought i could get revenge . But i couldn't . And now , im in a worse state .

X Month

It doesn't exactly feel like the X month . Yea , it's just another month . So what ? Why should i care when you don't . Im a girl and i love being pampered . Be it in whatever ways . And yes , i love romance . And i also don't think that folding hearts and stars for the other party are in any way useless or redundant . In fact , i absolutely love accepting these kind of 'useless' gifts . At least there is the thought ! I love rocher as much as ever and i still miss my heart-shaped lollipop . Be it in the past , present or the future , i can never get too much of sweet thoughtful gifts . Even if it's just a chuppa chup , it's the thought that counts .