J & Rants

Its 5.33am right now and im still not asleep .

Not 1 or 2 or 3 but ALOT of people have asked me this question "So tell me, do you still like J ?" Maybe if you've asked me a month ago, i'd have said "Maybe ?" But right now if you asked me, i'll tell you "No freaking way ." Yet again if you asked me whether i'll stay by his side if given a chance, i'll say "Yes ." Reason being : I love his family and i just feel too comfortable being with him .

I wont deny that there's a possibility that i may fall in love with him again if we got back together, but it aint EVER gonna happen . One thing's for sure, i really don't love anymore . I used to think that i still love him, cause i couldnt get over him . But now i know, its cause i couldnt get over the fact that 'HE DUMPED ME' . Admitting it now still makes me cringe . Damn ! So how am i positively confident that i dont love him anymore ?

1)I freaking DONT CARE even if he fcuks another girl right now .

2)I DONT MISS him .

3)I DONT STALK him anymore .

4)I HATE texting him .

5)I no longer wanna hug him anymore . (Most important*)

Why do every post i made in this freaking blog have to mention J at least once ?! Damn ! He must've cursed this blog . Laughs . For me, i feel that hugs & kisses are reeeeeeeally important . In fact, i think they're very crucial in order for a r/s to go on . Especially hugs . Cause i simply adore hugs ! I cannot NOT hug my bf at all ! And i only give tight hugs to people whom i really love and care for . So the fact that i no longer wanna hug J has proven that i no longer love him . Well maybe not as a lover but i still love him as a friend no doubt . Maybe it sounds ridiculous using a hug to determine my feelings but i dont care what you think . Heh . So please people, stop asking me do i still love him !

Okay this is gonna be a freaklishly long post again . Laughs . Today (or rather yesterday) wasnt a good day . I got reprimanded by wx real badly . The feeling of having your bestfriend being mad at you and telling you you're the one at fault really sucks . Especially when you know it but dont wanna admit it . Throughout the whole day of lessons, i was just starring at the board . I didnt even realise when class ended . I just felt so .. lost . It was really obvious to everyone that i was in a foul mood since i was expressionless . Those who didnt know are either idiots or they must be oblivious to my existence . Regardless, i have to apologise to La & Yann for showing them abit of an attitute . SORRY ! Tried to clear my mind by asking Jun to acc me for dinner . Told him almost everything but still, i couldnt lift up my spirits . Alas, called B and i was cheered up . But by calling him, everything that i've done became futile . Honestly, i didnt believe him . Maybe im being critical of myself but i simply couldnt believe that anyone will be willing to give up anything for me . What more a superb & perfect girlfriend . Why is it that nowadays i feel so worthless . It seems that i'll always be a substitute . First was Yq, then Sh, and now B .

Drats, im being negative again . Cries . Im soooo gonna pamper myself later ! Gonna watch a movie with LY & R followed by a (MUST HAVE) manicure ! Hopefully i'll feel better after doing things that i love .