J & Rants

Its 5.33am right now and im still not asleep .

Not 1 or 2 or 3 but ALOT of people have asked me this question "So tell me, do you still like J ?" Maybe if you've asked me a month ago, i'd have said "Maybe ?" But right now if you asked me, i'll tell you "No freaking way ." Yet again if you asked me whether i'll stay by his side if given a chance, i'll say "Yes ." Reason being : I love his family and i just feel too comfortable being with him .

I wont deny that there's a possibility that i may fall in love with him again if we got back together, but it aint EVER gonna happen . One thing's for sure, i really don't love anymore . I used to think that i still love him, cause i couldnt get over him . But now i know, its cause i couldnt get over the fact that 'HE DUMPED ME' . Admitting it now still makes me cringe . Damn ! So how am i positively confident that i dont love him anymore ?

1)I freaking DONT CARE even if he fcuks another girl right now .

2)I DONT MISS him .

3)I DONT STALK him anymore .

4)I HATE texting him .

5)I no longer wanna hug him anymore . (Most important*)

Why do every post i made in this freaking blog have to mention J at least once ?! Damn ! He must've cursed this blog . Laughs . For me, i feel that hugs & kisses are reeeeeeeally important . In fact, i think they're very crucial in order for a r/s to go on . Especially hugs . Cause i simply adore hugs ! I cannot NOT hug my bf at all ! And i only give tight hugs to people whom i really love and care for . So the fact that i no longer wanna hug J has proven that i no longer love him . Well maybe not as a lover but i still love him as a friend no doubt . Maybe it sounds ridiculous using a hug to determine my feelings but i dont care what you think . Heh . So please people, stop asking me do i still love him !

Okay this is gonna be a freaklishly long post again . Laughs . Today (or rather yesterday) wasnt a good day . I got reprimanded by wx real badly . The feeling of having your bestfriend being mad at you and telling you you're the one at fault really sucks . Especially when you know it but dont wanna admit it . Throughout the whole day of lessons, i was just starring at the board . I didnt even realise when class ended . I just felt so .. lost . It was really obvious to everyone that i was in a foul mood since i was expressionless . Those who didnt know are either idiots or they must be oblivious to my existence . Regardless, i have to apologise to La & Yann for showing them abit of an attitute . SORRY ! Tried to clear my mind by asking Jun to acc me for dinner . Told him almost everything but still, i couldnt lift up my spirits . Alas, called B and i was cheered up . But by calling him, everything that i've done became futile . Honestly, i didnt believe him . Maybe im being critical of myself but i simply couldnt believe that anyone will be willing to give up anything for me . What more a superb & perfect girlfriend . Why is it that nowadays i feel so worthless . It seems that i'll always be a substitute . First was Yq, then Sh, and now B .

Drats, im being negative again . Cries . Im soooo gonna pamper myself later ! Gonna watch a movie with LY & R followed by a (MUST HAVE) manicure ! Hopefully i'll feel better after doing things that i love .

Eff it .

Feeling so fucked up right now .
Thought i saw a hint of hesitation; but i thought wrong .


Feel so .. whats the word ? .. USED .

Relateable

Cant sleep . Stayed up and read comics again . Read 'Parfait Tic' .

Somehow this comicbook always gets my emotions stirring . Cried again even though i re-read it countless of times . I guess its cause i could relate myself to the protagonist's feelings . Love seems to be so painful . Yet it's what makes one humane .

2011's First Week

Pardon me for being so self-loved . Heh .

The first week of school's almost over and im NOT loving it . Main reason being i kept procastinating and my work keeps pilling . Results have also added on to my worries . Although at many a time i've told everyone that my results dont matter, yet when i get them back, somehow seeing how badly i've performed does gets to me . I guess it could be said that i've failed to get the grade i desire . Most importantly, i've failed expectations . Seriously, screw expectations . They're just a pain in the ass . Why is it that everyone pursue qualifications ? Somehow, its because of this fierce paper chase that makes all so competitive about education and certificates . I dislike competitions . In fact i despise it . Yes, on the good side it may motivate one to strive harder to achieve better results than others . Yet, competitions often produce all these selfish and slying people that would reduce to anything in order to achieve their goals . All these selfish lying hypocrites simply disgust me . Ok i admit its all about this biatch .

Relationship wise, havent exactly been a walk in the breeze . And after so long, im ready to say it . I AM SINGLE . Have been so for nearly 4 months . Laughs . It's been tough on me since im not the kind of girl who's able to let go easily . Blame it on me being too dependent on others all the time . Yet right now, it aint all so simple either . Im still seeing J though . My family doesnt know that we've broken up . (Well all except my mom .) And neither does his family . In fact, all of them still thinks we're strong . Laughs . CNY's around the corner and surely i've to bring J to my aunt house for dinner . Im still unaware of my feelings for him . Aint sure if i still like him, or im just too used to him being by my side . But one thing im sure of, im getting over him ..

I think im able to get over him's cause im falling for in love again . Seriously, after J, i thought i'll go anti-love . But even though im glad i found someone new to obsess over, lovin' him is not an option . Cause circumstances have dictate that we cant like each other . So i'll save the butterflies for next time . For now, i just wanna love myself .

P.S. Havent been reading of late . I miss reading . Will stop by the library soon .

2011 ! ♥

It's year 2011 dudes ! And what an unexpected NewYear's eve & NewYear ! Although its abit late for a new year post but im too lazy and kept procastinating ! Laughs . Anyway my new year resolutions this year are to be more optimistic, become stronger & more independent, and lastly i hope to pay off all my debts ! But most importantly "i wanna be the girl who didnt give a heck about guys, when her friends & freedom was everything she needs . Let me that girl again in 2011 !"

On new year's eve, went to fetch B first in the afternoon, then hanged out with his friends and him for awhile before heading to resort world for dinner with my family . Dinner had me stuffed up till my neck ! Headed to vivo to meet my hunies (Bren, Nuu, Jose) and Shawn afterwards and "count-eddown" there . Funny part was we didnt realised it was going to be 0000 till everyone stood up and shouted "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 !" and we were all so clueless ! Everyone was so busy hugging each other and wishing "Happy New Year" and we were just standing there . Laughs . But still it was lovely seeing them after so darn long . Simply love them lots . Headed to boat quey to find B and made a pit stop to clarkquey to visit Shihao . Regretted that decision . He made me freakin upset . Totally ruined my day and i just walked away . Anyways went to V3 for the first time and it was quite fun ! Finally headed back in the morning . Overall, this year's NewYear was great and hopefully the year will be too !

School's started and what a drag . Have been skipping classes again too . Ugh . Will try to work harder ! Results wasnt fantastic, expected better . But seeing my friends makes everything bearable .

Havent seen J for more than a week now . Wonder if he misses me . Laughs . Bet he doesnt though . Seeing him again this friday and am kinda excited cause i dont know how im gonna feel when i see him . My feelings for him have had taken a turn and he doesnt know it yet . Bet he doesnt care anyways . Laughs . Kinda touched though that he bought me the wooden bangles i wanted . On another note, i fear that im falling in love . I know that i cant fall in love cause i'll end up hurt again . So hopefully im able to restrict myself . Gonna start dancing again to keep myself occupied . What a long post this is . Laughs .

P.S. Finally got the courage to snip off my long hair ! Didnt regret it since almost everyone says it's nicer . Hehheh . I wish he belongs to me but i know she's definitely better so hope that they'll be happy yea . (:

P.P.S. I've had enough of boys for now .

X'mas !

Katharine McPhee - It's Not Christmas Without You

Years almost over

Sure looks like December

The snow and ice on the ground

I hadn't sent a single Christmas card

The 31st is coming around

It makes me remember our last December

How the city looks so beautiful in white

As we walked the street that day you kept me warm

We couldn't wait to get inside

Now its Christmas and you're so far away

On this Christmas I just wished you had stayed

And i wonder if you're thinking of me today

I don't know what I'll do its not Christmas without you

I hear carols in the distance

Don't want to listen because every sound says your not here

Just in case you change your mind I'll leave a light over the door

And hope you suddenly appear

Cause its Christmas and you're so far away

On this Christmas I just wish you had stayed

And I wonder if you're thinking of me today

I don't know what I'll do its not Christmas without you

I'm too old to believe in Santa Claus

What are these gifts under the tree

But i did this once

Or maybe it's a dream, has he really brought you back to me

Its Christmas all i wanted is here

On this Christmas was for you to be near

And i wonder if you're thinking of me cause you're here

My one wish has come true, it's not Christmas without you

Happenings

Keh I admit im supah zilian-ish and have too much time to spare . ;x Hehheh .

Havent been updating in a while . Have been wanting to update but im simply too lazy and there are just TOO much things to write ! MST's lika coming ! SOOO fast can ! Grrr .

Since my last post, many events had passed ; birthdays, outings, school, etc . There's just too much people's birthdays this month . SUPAH LOT CAN ! Im always dreading this month cause i'll always turn broke so fast this ! 4 of my sweeties had their birthdays this month as well .

Nureen ; Shuqi ; Roshini ; Ellisa

(Okeh the quality super lousy but i simple couldnt find a decent photo of either of them !

This is the best ler laa !)

Managed to celebrate Rosh and Qi 's birthday with them and i hope they had fun ! (: Couldnt celebrate for Nuu and Elle due to their Alevels but hope they had a nice birthday nonetheless and will make it up to them after their A's ! Have been friends with Qi & Elle since i was 13 and Nuu & Rosh since 15 . Love them to bits laa !

Anways, besides birthdays, 2 other school events i've join were the interaction race and also volunteering for the kindergarten graduation thingy . The interaction race was a-okay and we got third place plus a 20dollars capital land voucher each so not bad laa . Hehheh . But my stamina really cui ttm ! Have to start exercising ler ! The kindergarten thingy was really tiring ! Didnt know looking after a few kids could be SOO exhausting can ! But it was fun cause the kids are really supah dupah adorable laa ! I could hug them forever can ! *Squeals* Ohh, thru the volunter also managed to know Gabriel who looks like Cheehao alot can ! But Cheehao more shuai of course . Hehheh .

Also went rebel and zirca on Yuwen's birthday for the first time . I like(Y) ! I like rebel and zirca more than powerhouse laa ! Lol . Dance-d lika super lot that night and had fun ! I think i dance-d abit too wild ler, now that i think about it . *Laughs*

Know alot of new people and made alot of new friends this month ! I love making new friends and enlarging my social circle . Haha . Am especially glad to make this one particular friend can ! I think i have a crush ! *Shy* But too bad you're attached ! ): It's okeh cause im happy just being able to talk to you at times . It's kinda exciting even if it's a one-sided thing . Just hoping you will notice me at least . (: