"Old" Days

Okay i reelly reelly REElly miss the "old" days . Nostalgia's like overwhealming me right now .

Especially after chatting with WH these few days, i found that i really had many awesome and wonderful memories ! If i could give up everything and return to the past, i really would do so again . And most importantly, i wouldnt have wanted anything to change . I wanna relive these awesome days again ! I thought getting in to bbss would be a wrong decision but now, i know that its the best decision to be made ! I think i have the best schoolmates in the whole wide world man ! Laughs . Be it teary, laughing or angry moments, they were all wonderful . Every little detail of them . Ahhh ! I miss bbss !

Falling Hard .

Mood : Super fcuked up .

*Pardon my language*

Shouldnt even care . Damn . What was i to say ? What do you expect me to say ? What am i supposed to do ? Seriously . Am i supposed to feel happy ? Happy that you're telling me that you don't feel a thing when hugging her ? Laughs . You said you miss me , yea , so what . But you're with her right now . And so you said you wanna hug me . Yea , so what again ? But you're hugging her right now . And you said but i want you more . Laughs laughs laughs . Seriously how ironic can one get . Kay im super pissed off right now . Just wanna rant thats all .

You said "Sorry" . You told me you knew i were upset . And i told you "No im not" . I really wonder if you believed that . Or just pretended to . Honestly , i hate how everything you do affects me right now . It used to not mattered . But it does now . Damn . Seriously , DAMN . And almost , just almost , when you walked away , did my tears fell . But i managed to hold it in . It just aint worth it . I know i aint nothing compared to her . She's perfect ; im not .

Its funny how i always tend to fall for guys that i know will hurt me . Is this karma ? Laughs . Its not like im super ugly and lousy that no guys want me . Yet i always end up choosing the road where i know im sure to fall badly .

I wanna see you so bad .

Wed and Counting .

Love & Other Drugs
Caught this movie ytd, or should i say the day before with LY&R . Fab love Anne Hathaway ! She is so freaking gorgeous ! And her tits are simply nice ! Im not being pervertic here . Believe me, you simply cant take your eyes off her fabulous body if you saw ! Was in awe though that she actually bare everything in the movie . And such intimate scenes she took with Jake Gyllenhaal ! I really wonder if he was turned on when Anne was lying naked on top of him . Laughs . (Im not a pervert !) Anyway it was a nice movie and everyone should totally watch it ! I would say 9/10 !

On the same day, wed, had a string of emotions and blah blah blah, so i decided to do a manicure to pamper myself . Tried the new arrivals and my nails are even more beautiful than me right now . No im exaggerating actually . But my nails are nice ! But why do i feel that they've already cracked ! NOO ! I just had them for like a 1 day plus ! Havent tried pedicures before . Shall get them one day ! But somehow the thought of letting strangers touching my feet and the possibility of them smelling the odour of it simply shudders me .

One more thing : I hate LY&R for not being able to put themselves in my shoes and for scolding me till im even more stressed up !

Nah i dont really hate 'em . Laughs . I wanna thank them for loving me so much instead yea ! Sorry im always making y'all worrying ! I know im always in a mess ! I will learn to be stronger yea ! Really appreciate both of 'em . Will always love 'em ! *Pinky promise and copy that !*

PS :

It's only been around 3 weeks since i've snipped my hair and im soooo missing it ! It was soooo difficult for me to grow them man ! Cries ! Look at how long it used to be ! *looks at picure above* Alright so it isnt really super duper long but it's still very long to me ! When will i ever grow them back again ?! I miss tying up my hair !

P.P.S : Less than 12 hours and counting down awayyyyyy !

The Best Things ♥

I think, the best and most precious things in life are:

big warm hugs
passionate kisses
the smell of rain
daydreaming
walking through a field of wildflowers
laughing
smiles from anyone, particularly strangers
soft cushy pillows

and lastly,
being loved . (:

J & Rants

Its 5.33am right now and im still not asleep .

Not 1 or 2 or 3 but ALOT of people have asked me this question "So tell me, do you still like J ?" Maybe if you've asked me a month ago, i'd have said "Maybe ?" But right now if you asked me, i'll tell you "No freaking way ." Yet again if you asked me whether i'll stay by his side if given a chance, i'll say "Yes ." Reason being : I love his family and i just feel too comfortable being with him .

I wont deny that there's a possibility that i may fall in love with him again if we got back together, but it aint EVER gonna happen . One thing's for sure, i really don't love anymore . I used to think that i still love him, cause i couldnt get over him . But now i know, its cause i couldnt get over the fact that 'HE DUMPED ME' . Admitting it now still makes me cringe . Damn ! So how am i positively confident that i dont love him anymore ?

1)I freaking DONT CARE even if he fcuks another girl right now .

2)I DONT MISS him .

3)I DONT STALK him anymore .

4)I HATE texting him .

5)I no longer wanna hug him anymore . (Most important*)

Why do every post i made in this freaking blog have to mention J at least once ?! Damn ! He must've cursed this blog . Laughs . For me, i feel that hugs & kisses are reeeeeeeally important . In fact, i think they're very crucial in order for a r/s to go on . Especially hugs . Cause i simply adore hugs ! I cannot NOT hug my bf at all ! And i only give tight hugs to people whom i really love and care for . So the fact that i no longer wanna hug J has proven that i no longer love him . Well maybe not as a lover but i still love him as a friend no doubt . Maybe it sounds ridiculous using a hug to determine my feelings but i dont care what you think . Heh . So please people, stop asking me do i still love him !

Okay this is gonna be a freaklishly long post again . Laughs . Today (or rather yesterday) wasnt a good day . I got reprimanded by wx real badly . The feeling of having your bestfriend being mad at you and telling you you're the one at fault really sucks . Especially when you know it but dont wanna admit it . Throughout the whole day of lessons, i was just starring at the board . I didnt even realise when class ended . I just felt so .. lost . It was really obvious to everyone that i was in a foul mood since i was expressionless . Those who didnt know are either idiots or they must be oblivious to my existence . Regardless, i have to apologise to La & Yann for showing them abit of an attitute . SORRY ! Tried to clear my mind by asking Jun to acc me for dinner . Told him almost everything but still, i couldnt lift up my spirits . Alas, called B and i was cheered up . But by calling him, everything that i've done became futile . Honestly, i didnt believe him . Maybe im being critical of myself but i simply couldnt believe that anyone will be willing to give up anything for me . What more a superb & perfect girlfriend . Why is it that nowadays i feel so worthless . It seems that i'll always be a substitute . First was Yq, then Sh, and now B .

Drats, im being negative again . Cries . Im soooo gonna pamper myself later ! Gonna watch a movie with LY & R followed by a (MUST HAVE) manicure ! Hopefully i'll feel better after doing things that i love .

Eff it .

Feeling so fucked up right now .
Thought i saw a hint of hesitation; but i thought wrong .


Feel so .. whats the word ? .. USED .

Relateable

Cant sleep . Stayed up and read comics again . Read 'Parfait Tic' .

Somehow this comicbook always gets my emotions stirring . Cried again even though i re-read it countless of times . I guess its cause i could relate myself to the protagonist's feelings . Love seems to be so painful . Yet it's what makes one humane .

2011's First Week

Pardon me for being so self-loved . Heh .

The first week of school's almost over and im NOT loving it . Main reason being i kept procastinating and my work keeps pilling . Results have also added on to my worries . Although at many a time i've told everyone that my results dont matter, yet when i get them back, somehow seeing how badly i've performed does gets to me . I guess it could be said that i've failed to get the grade i desire . Most importantly, i've failed expectations . Seriously, screw expectations . They're just a pain in the ass . Why is it that everyone pursue qualifications ? Somehow, its because of this fierce paper chase that makes all so competitive about education and certificates . I dislike competitions . In fact i despise it . Yes, on the good side it may motivate one to strive harder to achieve better results than others . Yet, competitions often produce all these selfish and slying people that would reduce to anything in order to achieve their goals . All these selfish lying hypocrites simply disgust me . Ok i admit its all about this biatch .

Relationship wise, havent exactly been a walk in the breeze . And after so long, im ready to say it . I AM SINGLE . Have been so for nearly 4 months . Laughs . It's been tough on me since im not the kind of girl who's able to let go easily . Blame it on me being too dependent on others all the time . Yet right now, it aint all so simple either . Im still seeing J though . My family doesnt know that we've broken up . (Well all except my mom .) And neither does his family . In fact, all of them still thinks we're strong . Laughs . CNY's around the corner and surely i've to bring J to my aunt house for dinner . Im still unaware of my feelings for him . Aint sure if i still like him, or im just too used to him being by my side . But one thing im sure of, im getting over him ..

I think im able to get over him's cause im falling for in love again . Seriously, after J, i thought i'll go anti-love . But even though im glad i found someone new to obsess over, lovin' him is not an option . Cause circumstances have dictate that we cant like each other . So i'll save the butterflies for next time . For now, i just wanna love myself .

P.S. Havent been reading of late . I miss reading . Will stop by the library soon .

2011 ! ♥

It's year 2011 dudes ! And what an unexpected NewYear's eve & NewYear ! Although its abit late for a new year post but im too lazy and kept procastinating ! Laughs . Anyway my new year resolutions this year are to be more optimistic, become stronger & more independent, and lastly i hope to pay off all my debts ! But most importantly "i wanna be the girl who didnt give a heck about guys, when her friends & freedom was everything she needs . Let me that girl again in 2011 !"

On new year's eve, went to fetch B first in the afternoon, then hanged out with his friends and him for awhile before heading to resort world for dinner with my family . Dinner had me stuffed up till my neck ! Headed to vivo to meet my hunies (Bren, Nuu, Jose) and Shawn afterwards and "count-eddown" there . Funny part was we didnt realised it was going to be 0000 till everyone stood up and shouted "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 !" and we were all so clueless ! Everyone was so busy hugging each other and wishing "Happy New Year" and we were just standing there . Laughs . But still it was lovely seeing them after so darn long . Simply love them lots . Headed to boat quey to find B and made a pit stop to clarkquey to visit Shihao . Regretted that decision . He made me freakin upset . Totally ruined my day and i just walked away . Anyways went to V3 for the first time and it was quite fun ! Finally headed back in the morning . Overall, this year's NewYear was great and hopefully the year will be too !

School's started and what a drag . Have been skipping classes again too . Ugh . Will try to work harder ! Results wasnt fantastic, expected better . But seeing my friends makes everything bearable .

Havent seen J for more than a week now . Wonder if he misses me . Laughs . Bet he doesnt though . Seeing him again this friday and am kinda excited cause i dont know how im gonna feel when i see him . My feelings for him have had taken a turn and he doesnt know it yet . Bet he doesnt care anyways . Laughs . Kinda touched though that he bought me the wooden bangles i wanted . On another note, i fear that im falling in love . I know that i cant fall in love cause i'll end up hurt again . So hopefully im able to restrict myself . Gonna start dancing again to keep myself occupied . What a long post this is . Laughs .

P.S. Finally got the courage to snip off my long hair ! Didnt regret it since almost everyone says it's nicer . Hehheh . I wish he belongs to me but i know she's definitely better so hope that they'll be happy yea . (:

P.P.S. I've had enough of boys for now .