Hurt

A confession was made to me, just hours ago. Not an "I-lied-to-you-before-and-Im-telling-you-the-truth-now" confession of course. A sorta love confession? You know, I really really REALLY suck bad at handling this sort of things! Especially letting one down. Worse still, I don't even know what to feel. So freaking confused right now. On one hand I wanna let the other party down in the least hurtful way, yet on the other hand, Im afraid of rejecting cause I seriously don't wanna stop us hanging together. How fucked up man. Honestly. *Sigh* Ruined a night's of sleep because of this matter. If only Im the typed of girl who didnt think so much of other's feelings. If I were more colder, then I wont be this frustrated. Damn. Im so afraid of hurting people, because I keep having this mentality that if I hurt other people, somehow I would get hurt tenfold back one day! It's like this karma thing man! So I really don't wanna hurt anyone. )): AHHHH! I don't even know what Im typing. Jumbled up feelings FTL. Why was I oh-so-stupid to not notice any signs! If I could see these signs, at least I could've distanced myself away from you. Then you wouldnt have the courage to confess. And I wont be feeling like shyt now.

On My Mind

Has anyone ever came to a phase whereby you have no clue of whats your next move. And at every single moment, you don't know what you're thinking, or feeling; cause your feelings are just so jumbled up. It's like you wished something could be done, and you want to do something. Yet, you have no idea what to do, or where to start. And when you finally decided to make the first move, you're afraid of making the wrong move again. Then, you'll think twice, and you're back to square one. It's a shitty feeling, when you don't know what you're feeling. Or when there are too many feelings altogether inside you. Does this happen to most of the people? Or is it just me?

There's this issue that's been on my mind recently. Yet I can't do no nothing about it. I wished I had the initiative, but I'm afraid at the same time. Afraid that I'll get hurt again perhaps, if I made the wrong choice. I wish someone could tell me what to do, what to feel, what to stop doing, and how to protect myself. I'm getting more and more timid as life keeps giving me obstacles. This sucks. Ain't I supposed to grow stronger?

P.S. I wished you could read my mind. How cool would that be.

I Always

I always

create scenarios in my head, that will never ever happen. I will always start to imagine a scene, and the scene just flows like a film. Then my mind just wanders. I don't even try very hard to create these scenarios. It just happens. I think of the most absurd situations, then just plan out in my mind just like that. It's just crazy. Sometimes, I even convince myself that it could happen. That's just funny. Laughs. If people could read my mind, I think they would surely laugh their heads off. I think I'm just crazy at times. But it'll be so cool if these things really did happen. I wonder if anyone's like me too ?

A 2011 Summer/Holiday

What a holiday! Awesome-est holiday i think i've ever had since the start of poly!

Though hols have not come to an end, it's no doubt the highlight of it is the BKK trip!

Totally miss my ladies! Went for a shopping spree in Bangkok.

Trip was for 5d4n. Its my first going overseas with friends and totally didnt expect it to be this awesome.

Went with Shihui Danhui Weixi & Leemin. ((:

Bangkok was definitely so much better than i expected.

Lucky im not vey big size so many of the clothes were able to fit me!

Awesome shyt! Means that i could buy ALOT of awesome clothings! Laughs.

Was glad that no conflicts occurred during the trip. All peace man. (Y)

Am reluctant to return to Singapore. But money was all spent.

Gonna miss having to wake up to Shihui in front of the dresser dolling up and being able to walk to Danhui Weixi and Leemin's room all the time and disturb them!

Camwhored ALOT with Shihui during the trip so the album's like 80% filled with only us?!

LAUGHS.

Plus a BIG THANK YOU to Darren for "seeing me off" and for fetching me man!

Owe him super lots of favors. Damn! Him and his lil red car!

Overall this trip was AWESOME SHYT. ((:

Okay so havent been regular in updating since im always SO uber lazy.

Well worked in the ITfair again at the start of hols.

Couldnt say it went well but made new and awesome friends. So it wasnt that bad. ((:

Worked under Marriott Hotel for the mooncake festival as well.

Was quite fun to work with Su. A first for me to be able to be so open with a lesbian.

Kinda cool. She also knew a bit of palm reading and read my palm for me.

But after i heard what she read, like have phobia to get into r/s or get married man! Damn!

So yea, kinda had a packed hol since the start of it. Now its time for me to chill and relax only. Laughs.

Hope the remaining of my hols would be awesome max too!

P.S. Mtv's playing California King Bed by Rihanna right now. Awesome song! ((: