Can't sleep so im blogging now . Wanted to blog a few times already but just can't get myself to type . I just want to be treated better . I know im irritating . I know that . But i just can't help it . I just can't be left alone . Im afraid i would do something foolish . Not to you , but to myself . Because it happened before and i don't wanna repeat it . I don't want myself to get hurt again . I don't want to hurt myself again . I know im stupid . But i can't help being born stupid . Someone please help me . Help me get me back . I don't wanna be like this . I wanna be crazy and smile again . Not like this - insecure and crying .

Everything is replaying again . Just that , its worse this time . At least i have so many wonderful memories then . But now , i can't think of one happy moment . Maybe one , when the story first started . Im tired . Real tired . I really wish i can just give up . At least it wont hurt so much . Actually it was all over when you replied " Kinda ." to " No feelings ?" . I just didn't want to accept the fact . Im not strong you know . I hate myself for being so weak . I know you're just deceiving me when you say you still love me . Im just deceiving myself as well . I just can't stop loving you . Because i can't forgive you . I never could . I thought i could get revenge . But i couldn't . And now , im in a worse state .