X'mas !

Katharine McPhee - It's Not Christmas Without You

Years almost over

Sure looks like December

The snow and ice on the ground

I hadn't sent a single Christmas card

The 31st is coming around

It makes me remember our last December

How the city looks so beautiful in white

As we walked the street that day you kept me warm

We couldn't wait to get inside

Now its Christmas and you're so far away

On this Christmas I just wished you had stayed

And i wonder if you're thinking of me today

I don't know what I'll do its not Christmas without you

I hear carols in the distance

Don't want to listen because every sound says your not here

Just in case you change your mind I'll leave a light over the door

And hope you suddenly appear

Cause its Christmas and you're so far away

On this Christmas I just wish you had stayed

And I wonder if you're thinking of me today

I don't know what I'll do its not Christmas without you

I'm too old to believe in Santa Claus

What are these gifts under the tree

But i did this once

Or maybe it's a dream, has he really brought you back to me

Its Christmas all i wanted is here

On this Christmas was for you to be near

And i wonder if you're thinking of me cause you're here

My one wish has come true, it's not Christmas without you

Happenings

Keh I admit im supah zilian-ish and have too much time to spare . ;x Hehheh .

Havent been updating in a while . Have been wanting to update but im simply too lazy and there are just TOO much things to write ! MST's lika coming ! SOOO fast can ! Grrr .

Since my last post, many events had passed ; birthdays, outings, school, etc . There's just too much people's birthdays this month . SUPAH LOT CAN ! Im always dreading this month cause i'll always turn broke so fast this ! 4 of my sweeties had their birthdays this month as well .

Nureen ; Shuqi ; Roshini ; Ellisa

(Okeh the quality super lousy but i simple couldnt find a decent photo of either of them !

This is the best ler laa !)

Managed to celebrate Rosh and Qi 's birthday with them and i hope they had fun ! (: Couldnt celebrate for Nuu and Elle due to their Alevels but hope they had a nice birthday nonetheless and will make it up to them after their A's ! Have been friends with Qi & Elle since i was 13 and Nuu & Rosh since 15 . Love them to bits laa !

Anways, besides birthdays, 2 other school events i've join were the interaction race and also volunteering for the kindergarten graduation thingy . The interaction race was a-okay and we got third place plus a 20dollars capital land voucher each so not bad laa . Hehheh . But my stamina really cui ttm ! Have to start exercising ler ! The kindergarten thingy was really tiring ! Didnt know looking after a few kids could be SOO exhausting can ! But it was fun cause the kids are really supah dupah adorable laa ! I could hug them forever can ! *Squeals* Ohh, thru the volunter also managed to know Gabriel who looks like Cheehao alot can ! But Cheehao more shuai of course . Hehheh .

Also went rebel and zirca on Yuwen's birthday for the first time . I like(Y) ! I like rebel and zirca more than powerhouse laa ! Lol . Dance-d lika super lot that night and had fun ! I think i dance-d abit too wild ler, now that i think about it . *Laughs*

Know alot of new people and made alot of new friends this month ! I love making new friends and enlarging my social circle . Haha . Am especially glad to make this one particular friend can ! I think i have a crush ! *Shy* But too bad you're attached ! ): It's okeh cause im happy just being able to talk to you at times . It's kinda exciting even if it's a one-sided thing . Just hoping you will notice me at least . (:

Strength

I will get over this .
I will be strong .
I dont wanna be taken for granted anymore .
It's not worth it and i know it .
I hope i will have the strength to walk through this alone .
I wanna break free from this so badly .

Random-ish

My body clock is seriously screwed !
Everyday reach home lika take short naps ,
then cannot fall asleep at night !
Imma having such an abnormal lifestyle .
Eyerings are getting worser also .
FML .
Next time go out people will scream ,
"Omg ! There's a panda on the loose !"
Kay imma so lame .

I wonder if i should go back to punk .
Vey long since i dressed punk-ly ler .
Kinda miss those hardcore days .
So freedom man .

School's a drag .
Seriously damn sian .
Cannot pay attention in lectures at all .
Keep lika sleep sleep and sleep only .

Kay dontknow tmrw should wear heels to school not .
Scared lika will damn hiao ley . ):
Still thinking to whether should go audition .
Got people make up for me lika damn naise ley .
Hehheh .
I lika being pwetty .

From Hols - School

Schools lika started kay ! School sucks ttm . Kay before schools started , there was lika alot of events . Shall sumarize ---

First of all would of course be the "class chalet" but not my class of course ; Wanyi's or should i say 5A class chalet . Imma lika the only one who dont come from 5A . Starting i feel so lika an outsider ! But after awhile it was okeh . Chalet was fun . Especially the part when the guys got drunk and began doing stupid things . Laughs . Overall was not bad . I even went swimming in my hot bikini ! *Shy*

Then would be the outing with LY and Rebbie . Caught Charlie St. Cloud and Buried one after the other . Buttock cramp man ! Charlie St. Cloud was naise ! And i cried laa ! Laughs . Buried was a-okeh ley . I find it not bad but LY and Rebbie says it wasnt naise . After that we went to yellojello to visit K and S . Rebbie was so kewt , being so shy and all . Laughs again . Since non of us were good drinkers , we only drank lychee margarita, sex on the beach, shirley temple and an unexpected shooter blowjob . K made all the drinks and it was really naise (Y) . But was so guilty cause didnt expect that he would treat us . *Thank kew K !* Waited for K to finish work before heading down to Hans for late late late supper / breakfast and a lil drama between LY and the cab driver happened in between . Home-d after that and it was really an awesome outing . ;DD

The following days were catching movies and supposedly outings with Kaijie&clique as well as with Tracy&Mel . But didnt managed to eat the crystal jade buffet with Kj&clique, only went bowling afterwards with them but still it was really fun ! Hadnt bowled for a reeeeally long time . But outing with Tracy&Mel was cancelled . Hope next time would have a chance again . Then the last day before school starts, went shopping with my babe SQ . Spent ALOT of moneh even though lika didnt buy much laa . But still was naise ~

PS .

Havin' mixed up feelings right naw . Cringed at the word "ex" today when you said it . Have absolutely no idea what you take me for . I guess you could say im your biatch but not your lover . Imma fool .

Coolios & Fate

I hope you dont fall for me .

28th Sept 2010 : My girl LimYing's Birthday !

Even though there wasnt a big "celebratoral" but i hoped LY had fun cause i had fun ! Town-ed and manicure-d ! (: A first M18 movie for our big girl was 'Orphan' which we watched in chamber . Camwhore-d with the girls - LY and Rebecca - after the movie . Took a hell load of pictures ! Wanna apologise to LY for not getting her a gift cause i was at a financial crisis myself . Lol . But at least we got her a cake ! Cheese camp ! Had no clue why the cake's called cheese camp but what the heck , at least it was naise ! ;DD Picture after picture were taken then it was time for LY and R to head home . R had to take a cab since there's no bus already . Two guys said "Bye Bye" to her as she head into the cab and i think she finds the tall-io kinda handsome . Hahaha ! Took peektures with LY as we waited for her bus and we realised the 2 guys were looking at us camwhore-d only today ! LOL ! The 3 of them later took the same bus and also LY even got a free cab ride home . Haha ! What an epic moment of the night .

I went to find YW afterwards at cuppage . There were BY JG and Jer too . Then all of us went for k-session till dawn again . Haha ! Had fun nonetheless but i was really tired . Lol .

29th Sept 2010 :

Planned to stay home but after a call from YW complaining he was bored out of his wits , i was out of the house at midnight . Thumbs up for me man . Haha . Initial plan was to chill at boat quay but in the end we headed for clark quey along with S and J . Due to "someone" wearing slippers , we decided to go to yello jello since there doesnt have an attire requirement . And i think somehow fate wanted me to go there . LOL ! The 'tallio' and the friend was lika working there laa ! The 'tallio'/LinLe came to check my IC but i didnt recog him ! Then his friend/Kevin texted me saying i never said hi or etc to him . And i was stunned ! Haha . Headed to the bar then to chat awhile with him . Texted LY immediately afterwards to tell her of this fated encounter . Lol . Then YW send me home and we chilled at cck for a lil while . Once again i had fun . (:

P.S.

It's amazing how fast everything changes . A while ago we were so busy falling in love . And a while later you're so busy falling out of love . And im so busy trying hard to do the same .

2 Nights Out !

Im really tired TTM ! Omgawd . Havent slept for 2 days ! Its a first for me i think ! But it was really really REALLY fun hanging out with sophia joseph bengyong and yuwen ! LOL . I cant believe i laughed for a total of about 15 mins nonstop ! Laughing really is the best medicine . (:

Looking forward to singing k till the morn with them again ! Love hanging out with them ! Even though it makes me broke . Haha . Triple thanks to yuwen for taking care of me much ! Haha . I feel like such a baby . Ahhh ! Lol .

P.S. Butterflies are a no no !

He's Great .

Definitely have been avoiding things as of late . Or rather , since the start of this week .

A first for me : Getting drunk on sunday mn/monday am . LOL . Just a few hours before my chem eng paper i was drunk . Im in awe towards myself . Haha . Luckily the paper was do-able . *Heaves a sigh of relieve*

Have been spending everyday or rather almost every night ton-ing with yuwen . Have to apologise to him though . Caused him to sleep for 1-2 hours per day only before rushing to work . But still im grateful he's here for me . Also he's been treating me ALOT . Always the gentleman . Haha . Im thankful that he still sees me as a good friend . Even though i did 'betrayed' him before . Haha . I wonder if he kept my ring ? I still keeps his tortoise yea ? LOL . "You're like a pedophile for hanging with a xiao mei mei with me you know ! But im glad you're here !" (:

With Thanks

I've always loved how you smelled .

And im still loving it .

Im glad you're here for me now . (:

You're a great friend to me . Thanks for letting me lean on you .

I really need a shoulder right now .

I simply miss the nights in town .

I need you .

My Girls With Kisses On Top

10th September 2010 :

Went out with my girls ; Sq, Yy and Rn . Rosh couldn't make it at the last minute (So sad!) . We went to marina square again as usual . Laughs . Its funny how we always end up at marina every time we meet up and its like once in a blue moon ! We ate pizza hut with many laughs in between and i truly missed my girls . It's always only with them that i could get to laugh so heartily . It warms me truly . (: But i received a call from TCC telling me i couldn't get the f1 job and i was SO upset ! That's like the only thing im looking forward to in my now "emotional period" ! Ugh . Totally ruin my mood man . But im with my girls ! They eventually cheered me up .

We caught resident evil 4: afterlife at suntec since the tickets were sold out at marina . And the maddening thing was there's a darn sequel AGAIN . Ahhhh ! I freaking wanna know the ending ! And their sequels are always so long ! D: It's a short movie but i really liked it . Rate a 7.5/10 for the movie .

After the movie we went to toys'r'us and explore . We found the barbies nowadays simply UGLY . I think my barbie was SO much prettier than the ones now laa ! LOL . All of the barbies now look like fillipino maids ! Omgawd . Hahahaha ! All of us kinda played like kids with the toys and it was really fun . At a point , i saw the plushies at a corner and caught my attention on the plush roses . It made me think back of the last time i was at toys'r'us suntec . I was with WH then . And i remembered coming to suntec with him after school in our uniforms . I remembered him asking me to wait at a bench while he went to "take some stuff from XY" . I really believed that he went to look for XY then and t.b.h , i was kinda upset he didnt asked me to follow him . Laughs . Finally he came back with his hands behind his back and appeared so shy . Then he surprised me with the plush rose from toys'r'us and made my day . Even though it was just a plushie , it was really sweet ! Back then , that was one of the lil things that made me love him even more . Now , we've both moved on and to hear him having a new gf after SO long , im truly happy for him . It's a relief to be able to smile at these memories now .

Nyway , then the girls and i headed to burger king at esplanade xchange . We were really poor by the end of the day and everyone digs up every penny she has and together we bought as much food as we could . I have no idea why but every time we're out , at the end of the day , we always have to find every penny we have and put together to buy something . It's kinda fun actually and we admit loving these kind of moments . Laughs . (: Home-d after that and to end the day , i simply love my girls . Im glad they're here for me now .

P.S : I never want to fall in love again .

♥

"Baby dear can't you see. This girl you see aint the girl she is. She aint really that bad, just emotional at times. Please do understand her wont you, cause only you could save her. Help her find herself once again. Let her smile like she used to before. You've helped her before havent you? So just help her again wont you. I've seen that brightest smile of hers. I've seen it only when you're around. Treat her nice like before. Give her candies to make her sweet. Dont give sour lollipops or she'll frown. And frownin aint a good thing you know. So make her sweet all over again. Just like you used to. Sprinkle sugar all over her. Give her chocolates so it'll melt in her. Give her flowers so she'll smell sweet. Take her out where there's fresh air, and where there's fresh air, you'll be as fresh as can be once again. When all these things have been done, you'll see your sweet baby girl once again. So open that heart and forgive her. Cause i know you will."

Dated 8th August 2008 .

State Of Mind

Tell me the reason for insecureness . Why is it that people feel that ?
I want to go back . I want to forget everything .
I want to just bump my head, and not remember a thing .
Its funny how nobody knows what love is . How no one can exactly define love .
In truth , till this moment , i've never ever regretted the decisions i've made .
Yet , also at this very moment , is the first time i've ever regretted making this choice .
Ever since the start of my 17th year in this world , nothing has been smooth .
NOTHING .
I never thought growing up meant having so much responsibilities .
If i knew , i never would have let myself grew .
If i knew back then , i would definitely stop this madness when i was still a child .
If only .. But , its too late .
I cant go back . Yea i know . I can only hope all this madness go away soon .

On my birthday back in feb this year , although its long passed ,
i couldnt help thinking of the wish i made every single day .
I wish upon the brightest star that ever shines ..
"Please please let me be in a fairytale ."

Just Another Day

I've been rotting at home for 2 whole days ! OH-EM-GEE . Im gonna go crazy soon and develop into a 'couch potato' ! This certainly cannot happen ! Luckily im going out again tmrw and the day after and the day after after and so on . Phew ~! Nyway i've caught the killers with Kaijie and friends last saturday & also caught A-team with my most useful neighbour Junchi on tuesday . HAHAHA . Its been almost two years since we hang out . The last was on christmas in 2007 i believe . So freaking long ago ! Tuesday we finally managed to hang out and it was quite ok . Abit awkward at first but soon we were suan-ing each other again . Haha . The A-team was NICEE . Freaking funny . 4 stars man !



Cheehao's face is SOOOO jiao bin . Hahahaha ! Sorry babe . It was taken last saturday when we went out with Kj and friends . Yes , the day i caught the killers . WOOO . Only one reason i would catch the killers : ASTON KUTCHER !!! Hahaha ! He's SO hot ! Omg . His body makes me drool . Haha ! Im just kidding . I dont drool . ;DD Woo ! Below is another photo taken that day . I believe it was kaijie's and my favourite photo of the week ! Haha . *Shifty eyes*




Departure day . *SOBS* My hair looks so ugly . Ugh .
Im only crying cause of my hair . ):

J come back soon please ! Weixi says im so lost without you . And i believe its true .

Everything's Wrong !

OMG OMG ! J CALLED ME ON HIS MOM'S CELL JUST NOW . I MISS HIM SO MUCH . I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS HIM WHEN HE CALLED CAUSE I DIDNT EXPECTED IT ! LOL . Although the convo only lasted for a minute due to it being an overseas call and was freaking expensive . Hais . But it was really nice to hear his voice . Miss him so much ! Hope he have fun there . Come back soon !

Latest news : I got back my account from the fucker . Seriously the hacker have nothing better to do . Firstly last night , he hacked into my friend's account , pretended to be her and ask me "vote" for her picture . I cant believe i got scamed . Fucker . Then proceeded to tell me to on my webcam to pose sexily for him if i want my account back . And i told him "I fucking dont have a webcam" . And he ignores me . Then he got mad cause i called him a perv and he called me a daughter of a bitch when he's the bitchy one here and threatened to post my nude photos over google in a week . But i dont have any nude photos loser . I was scared only because i have alot of important stuff in my email account and i dont wanna lose my photos in facebook . Idiotic fellow . Called the police and went down to the station to make my statement . But somehow i dont think they are of any help . Then today , the loser pm my friend using my account and tell him the password and ask my friend to tell me . So now he wants to give us out accounts back ?! Omg . What loser-ish actions . Doesnt he have something better to do ?! What a joke .

Missin' You

It's only 3 hours and 42 minutes since i last saw J and im missing him so much already ! Omg . How am i gonna survive two weeks without him ! If kj and friends werent at the airport with me , i think i would cry . Lucky for me its gonna be a pack holiday or i'll be missing J till death ! Come back soon baby !

Blog Time ! Latest news : J's going to Europe for 2 damn weeks !

ARGHHH ! How can he go for holiday for the whole hols ! Yes yes i know its the hols but how can he leave me all alone in Sg while he enjoys himself with the caucassian babes ! Lucky lucky him . How lucky can one get . Ugh . Im stuck in tropical Singapore this hols . There would be no traveling for me unfortunately . ): Someone please sponsor me to Europe ~ I hate to say it but im gonna miss J so much ! But still i wish that he'll have fun there and of course not to forget the most lovable thing in the world - PRESENTS ! Haha ! Im gonna send him off later at the airport and i hope i dont cry ! Nah , i know i wont cry . I would only if there's no pressies for me when he gets back . Then he will really get it from me then . Heh .

Hols are here people ! Enjoy them as much as you can ! Cause its only a short two weeks ! After that it'll be back to the hell zone . Haha . MSTs over too ! And i dont wanna talk about it . I will talk about how bad it will be after the hols ! For now , i just wanna play and have fun as much as i can without missing J too much ! Bon voyage Babe !

So many THINGS i wanna talk about ! But just dont know where to start .

Things have been really difficult for me . Everything, in fact, has been making me wanting to just

give up and go to sleep . On the bright side, mst's almost over . Just 3 more papers to go .

May they be as easy as it could be . 3 most difficult-est paper in the world .

Ok, im exaggerating .

A new 40" wide screen tv has arrived on monday for my living room ! Since i've

already accustomed to the small 19" tv for so long, the new tv just seems too LARGE for me .

But even though its so large, my mom still sits right in front of it . Whatever happened to

"I bought a wider screen so that i could sit further and need not strain my eyes ." ? LOL .

On to J , things have been kind of bland . Bland as in boring and boring and yeah ,

nothing exciting . We arent communicating as like before . Texts have been reduced

to 1 or 2 a day . Conversations have been reduced to

"Hey im calling just to tell you im turning in now . Nights ."

Yes i know he's really busy of late but i really feel insecure . And im feeling so empty

that it makes me tempted to hunt . I've been putting the box inside me for way too long .

Its been empty for way too long . Its time i started filling it with love again .

Pressure

Lately , many many things have been going through my mind . In GEMs class , Oringa told us to think about what are the different stresses that we are dealing in our life right now . And i thought the stress i had were just financially and maybe abit of family stress thats all . But alot of things has indeed happened and im really really really at my wits end . I have no idea where to start solving anything at anywhere . I hate to admit it but im really STRESSED out . D: There's friends , family , work , school work , dance , financial and relationship . Everything is just so overwhelming . It's during me nuts . I dont even know what my aims are and it stresses me cause everyone around has high expectations of me . Yet , i dont even know what am i going to do after poly . I neither wished to work nor go to university . Im like stuck here at this point and cant move forward . And i cant even do a simply thing like helping J with his model . Instead of helping , im being more troulesome instead . Great , simply just great . Im on the verge of breaking down . And i cant talk to no one cause i tried before but they simply dont understand . "Yes im only 18 and still considered young . What do i have to stress about ?! You simply wont know .."

The Negativity

Something's amiss . And im feeling frustrated cause i don't know what . Im feeling so darn aimless recently . It's like , i have no clue about my next step . Don't even have the mood to study right now . Can't get anything in my head anyway . I just want to cope up in a corner and read . With reading , it calms me down . Makes me feel occupied .

As usual , was late for school today . Missed the first lesson and was late for the second one . But , somehow i didnt want to attend class . I cant stand sitting there and listen for today . So i skipped the second class as well and headed to the library . Sat at a corner and continued my book . Then Larissa saw me and invited me to join them for their game of life . LOL . They just wont get sick of it . I guess life's always easier in boardgames . Then headed to class with them too after the break . Somehow , i feel as if im a loner right now . No Zo and no SC to look after me anymore . And that bytch makes me feel like slapping her cause she's acting like i dont even exist . Won't even reply when im talking to her . B-I-T-C-H . That's what she is . And no its not Zee . ;D

I want to be strong . I want to be independent . I feel that everyone's drifting away from me and im scared . Real scared . Im too dependent on others and this won't do . I've gotta teach myself to stand by myself . Cause no matter how good a friend , he/she won't support you forever .

Blinded Love

They say love is blind , so what exactly does it mean ?

Aint if funny that before , when you like someone , you would think how wonderful he/she is . Yet after time passes and that fondness isnt there any longer you would start to ponder , exactly what do i see in him/her in the first place ?! It's strange isnt it . Before , his eyes were the most prettiest thing on earth . After , you wonder why his eyes are so weird that they're so separated from each other . LOL . Often many people would question themselves why had they fallen for that jerk/bitch . Many of us also love to 'promote' our bf/gfs when we're still together ; saying how he/she is so perfect or how he/she treats you so well . But after the break up , we will tend to diss our ex-es ; saying how he/she has so many bad habits or how he/she has such a terrible temper . How is it that one could say his/her ex is so bad and stuff when he/she himself/herself have so many flaws as well ? We often blame the other party about how badly they are as a bf/gf but yet , we dont reflect on how badly we are as a gf/bf . They say love is blind , and i truly understand why . Friends often ask "What exactly do you see in him ?" and i just want to say "Everything you don't ."

I love you J with carrots on top .

Going On In Life

I Hate You CWX . For pretending to not see me . In future when you come and find me/us , im not gonna care nor allow that . You disappointed me . Tsk tsk .

School has been a pain . And im hating myself cause i cant seemed to remember anything that i've learned . And i've also learned that im not going to care anymore . I'll just let the two of them be as selfish as they can be and i'll just play along . I don't need them seriously . Regardless how they may stick together now , they arent good friends at all . Tsk . They're just always together cause of academics . At least i have good friends whom i can really count on .

Enough of all these negativity ! On a happy note , he and i are going SFSG . He initiated to look for me while i was with my friends ! Thats a first . Which made me really happy (: And we're meeting twice this week despite our hectic schedules ! Im really looking forward to hugging him . I simply adore these hugs of his . It makes my heart have this tingling warm feeling . LOL .

Confused

Met J yesterday . Had a battle of feelings inside me when i saw him . For a moment , i forgot how to speak and what to call him . Watched iron man 2 and it was really nice . He held me in his arms again and it was bliss at that moment . And he said yes to my unreasonable request .. But somehow i cant seemed to know him anymore . Its just different . I dont know whether does he still held feelings for me or was it all an act . I dont like not being able to know whats on his mind . It sucks .

Im so confused right now . Its clear to me that im erased from his life or im just a friend to him now . Im cecilia in his contacts , under friends in his msn and now , im single on facebook . LOL . I really dont know what to feel . I wont shed any more tears but i wont be able to laugh wholeheartedly either -- at least not for now . I need a hug right now . I want a hug from my mom . Cause at least i know that she truly loves me ..

Qin says to follow my intuition . But the thing is , i dont know whats my intuition so how am i going to follow it ? I reply too much on him sometimes . Its his fault though . LOL . Who ask him to promise to stay by my side forever ! And thanks Qin for saying that im someone significant in your life . You're the best .

Story of My Life

Story Of My Life - Jennifer Lopez

Your relation to me

Feeds my empty existence

I guess I choose what to see

Because I'm feeling resistance

So turn the lights on below

The time we have is too precious

You say that you'll never go

I know that lying is infectious, now

So don't let me down

I'm breaking my own rules today, ohh

I know that I should walk away, ohh

I'm falling again for someone who doesn't feel alright

That's the story of my life

I thought you were ready to be

The start of my happy ending

Sometimes I choose what to see

Forget what I've been defending

Before the day fades to day

There comes a break in the weather

I made you say goodbye

Because I can't say forever, now

So don't let me down, no

I'm breaking my own rules today, ohh

I know that I should walk away, ohh

I'm falling again for someone who doesn't feel alright

That's the story of my life

One in a million

But if you are ready to listen

I know that I can be stubborn

Maybe it's me but I've been too blind to see.

I'm breaking my own rules today, ohh

I know that I should walk away, ohh

I'm falling again for someone who doesn't feel alright

That's the story of my life

Keep walking, I keep walking (x3)

That's the story of my life

Smiling Again (:

You make my heart skip a beat .

Tmrw's wednesday and im not sure whether do i have work or not . Stupid Ellen didnt call me to inform me anything ! She's so irresponsible ! Ugh . Tmrw's gonna be a short day in school ! Yay ! I can go home at twelve ! I love even weeks ! Cause i don't have to see Ong Chin Choon everyday ! Haha ! I have to see him like EVERYDAY for lectures/tutorials on odd weeks ! And he's not even my tutor ! And he speaks funny ! Ugh ! ;DD

Thank you . I smiled to myself as i talked to you . You were sweet to me .

Lies

Its not mood swing and its not pms . I just opened my eyes . I knew the truth . The whole damn truth but i just didnt want to admit it . And now , im making myself suffer again . How stupid can i get ?!

Random

That's funny . Are you reading my blog or reading my mind ? I thought i've privatized my blog . Lol ?

School's been a drag . Year 2 is so difficult ! Lectures are going so fast ! Ugh . I want to dance dance dance ! I want to improve so much ! Shall practice on my own as much as i can ! Yea im randoming . LOL .

Looking forward to friday's date ! Iron Man 2 here i come ! Im just such a movie-fanatic . Tsk tsk . Haha . Looking forward to seeing him as well of course . Just miss him so . And yes , i cant believed im so 'charmed' . -.-

Desporado

I've talked to him and had sort of forced him to this agreement . But im still so confused , and am really shock to feel so empty . I hate this feeling of emptiness . Its like im hollow and dead but im still really am so much alive . Work has at least helped take my mind of these dreadful things . Watched the Bounty Hunter and its really awesome ! Really hilarious and of course the expected happy ending . Jennifer Aniston is simply hot even though she's approaching forty ! Omg . Love Aniston ! I want to buy this skirt which cost thirty-five forty after staff discount ! Initial price was fifty nine dollars ! Im so afraid i would not wear it after i buy though ! Ugh . I want it and not want it so badly !

When i hear his voice , i was just so overjoyed . I dont know why . I want to be in his arms so badly .

Mao Dun

Its the fifth day . I keep telling myself that im over this . But its not , obviously . I want to ask him out so badly . Hais . Should i or should i not ask ?! Im so so so mao dun . D:

3rd Day

Im going bonkers already seriously . Cant stand myself !! Almost burned the freaking kitchen just now cause i was too busy stalking him . Ugh . How much more pathetic could i get . But at least i didnt teared today . And the sun was shinning bright as well . LOL . It must've been a coincidence . I know its all too late and i could tell he doesnt miss me a bit . But i just want to deceive myself for just a while more . I should go flirt more cause i need some love man ! Haha . I want to watch date night !! Shall drag my darling to go watch with me . HAHA ! My darling also very ke lian now . Tsk tsk . Jiayou !

2nd Day .

Its only the 2nd day and im feeling like its been 2 decades . 'Wonderful' . First day of school and it sooks ttm ! Ugh . Lectures after lectures after lectures . Neverending D: Cant believe i cried in school today . But not in front of anyone of course . And on the way back home , it rained . Yesterday after i cried , it poured too as i was going out . I cant help but think , were the skies crying for me ? Were they watching me ? They must've feel known how i felt and have felt my pain . I was touched . (:

Sfsg (:

Watched Kick Ass with Shuqi today . Kick Ass was so kickin' nice ! FARNIE ~ ;D Also am so damn glad shuqi's back . Miss her so much ! Just so sad that she misses xiamen and not me ! LOL . Have been coping great . So far so good . Did cry but am still fine . Gonna pray hard that i won't break down . And yes , I miss his presence . How i wish i wasnt this strong . Cause being strong is just so difficult .

Amen

Im trying so hard to make myself occupied right naw . It hurts so damn much that im havin difficulty breathin' . Cheers Cecilia . I know i can do it . Im strong . All the best to ya . It'll soon be over .. hopefully . Oh Father , may you be by my side and give me the strength to carry on . Amen .

Overwhelm

Its been two weeks since i posted ! Haha . LOTS of stuff happened in these two short weeks ! First of all is FO Camp ! Muttons(GMs) ! Yea it was hell lot of fun ! But sadly i have to leave halfway cause i had severe stitch or gastric ? Wasn't too sure either . LOL . Then it was UNIVERSAL STUDIOS or RESORT WORLD ! Weeee ! Stayed at resort world's festive hotel for 3 days 2 nights . Was awesome ! Went to universal studios on the second day and it was fun . Especially the mummy-ride . Cool ! Another cooler thing was that i dont needa queue ! Cause my aunt bought express tickets ! Which means i can go the express way - cut queues ! Haha ! The waterworld show was superb as well ! The actors and actresses were really really good . They could act and fall as if its the most common thing in the world ! But universal studios was kinda small , kinda like hongkong's disneyland but even smaller . Oh well , singapore mah . Lol . Last of all and the most important of all : J and C are one year old !!! "Happy 1st Anniversary Babe !" ;DD Thanks for everything ! You're really cute kay !

Hols are coming to an end so i've been constantly going out like everyday ! Im gonna miss SiewChen too ! She's transferring to RP . D: Had a 1B/24 gathering and sort of farewell gathering for SC too . Hope all goes well for her in her new course and new school ! And yea my post has a lot of exclamation marks cause its been so cool and awesome lately ! Lol . I've watched like four movies this week ! Clash of the titians , Confusius , When in rome and Rec 2 . And now , im heading out for my fifth movie - Youth In Revolt . *Winks Eye* Michael Cera ! And next week , 'Date Night' , here i come ! Haha .

P.S. Yes i love the word AWESOME !

Awesomely Awesome

Lazy to blog so i shall summarize .

First of all , results were unexpectedly great as compared to last sem . However , due to the damn cumulative the overall wasnt that great . D: Secondly , prep camp was SO tiring . I was so tired that i could even fell asleep by the field while sitting down . Ugh . But it was quite fun . Looking forward to the actual camp tmrw ! Thirdly , im feel so guilty to my girls : Nuu , Bren , Jose , Qi , Elle , Gina , YingY , Rosh , Blaha ! Im so sorry ! Didnt know you guys bought a ipod shuffle for me ! D: Had to made nuu and jose went back to change to another gift . They wanted to give me the shuffle initially but hid it that time when i approached with my new ipod nano . Omgawd . I cant imagine how sad you guys must be ! And i can assure the shuffle/mp3 aint inferrior than the nano ! Cause its something from all of your hears ! Nyway Nuu and Jose went back and exchanged for a mouse + 10-in-1 styler for me . It's still awesome . Love you girls TTM ! You girls are the best gifts for my birthday ! Ok so it wasnt exactly summarize . What the heck .

Last but not least , we are turning ONE soon ! J + C are turning ONE ! But i know we cant spend that day together . Cause i'll be at RWS ! Wee ! Thanks hun for letting me enjoy the day with my family ! Shall celebrate with ya on Sat ! You make me smile . (:

My boy and girls are so awesome . They rock my world . xDD

'Starstruck'

I may not need you but i want you baby (:

Had bbq with Kj & clique yesterday . Was quite fun and stuff but i think im too tired of late to be able to ton . Was sitting on the nice soft sand at night with peijun dozing off beside . And it was so beautiful . It was the second time that i was able to witness the clear night sky with so many stars gazing upon . I counted the stars and there were more than 60 of em . Simply awesome . Only the stars were out last night . There wasnt any moon to fight with em , which was nice cause i dont like the moon . :D The first time i saw such a beautiful sky was with Hy and i still remembered it vividly . I just simply love to sit under the stars and think of all the awesome moments . I hope J would one day have the patience to just lay beside me and admire the awesome seaview and stars with me with no word spoken but just peaceful smiles . And i sorta make up a song too - bout the stars of course . Sang it to myself as i was riding the bike alone of course . Haha . Thought myself was quite lame though but what the heck . No one know nor heard . Outing with the hornies' girls tmrw/later . Hope we have fun !

IT Fair

ITS BEEN SHO SHO LONG SINCE I POST ! Wahaha ! Was busy with exams , work and of course outings ! Holidays are here ! Worked at the IT Fair from thursday to sunday . First time working so wasnt quite used to the long hours of standing . I think for a day , i can stand for a minimum of thirteen hours plus standing in the train too ! Reached home straight away sleep and wake up straight go to work and stand non-stop again . Its like no rest at all ! Omgawd ~ But after two days i think im used to it already . Was selling Samsung Lappys . Whoever heard of Samsung Lappys ?! Cause its only been in the market for bout eight months ? So nobody heard of it and nobody wants to buy . So sad . ): Had quite a lot of fun working even though its tiring . The Samsung staff helping were all nice . At first thought John was quite "g.l." but actually he's ok and quite funny as well . Even helped me alot on the last day so he's alright . Haha . Plus he said i don't look eighteen , i look fifteen ! Weeee ! Young ! LOL . And he bet with Sof that if customer A comes back , pigs will lay eggs . And his pig "laid" eggs . Hahahaha ! Take that ! Farnie ! Ok so overall i sold 29 lappys in four days which makes me the third top seller so its quite ok beh ? Hope my pay comes soon !

But i couldnt spend time with baby for the past four days ! ): Its been like wake up , work , sleep over and over for the past four days ! Cant even have a proper phone convo with J ! *Cries* Miss him so ! But wanna thank J and friends for the ipod nano ! Shall not say further about the colour . LOL . Also wanna thank Zo , SC , JY and Larissa for the headphones ! Simple love the awesome gold it is ! ;DD And of course also to Edwin for the funky specs . Haha . I have awesome gifts so im feeling real happy ! (:

B'Day

First of all , its my BIRTHDAY ! Well , not officially cause mine falls on the 29th but it's still counted yea ! Wanna thank everyone who wished me and since i have the time i shall list everyone out !

WeiXi ShuQi Brenduh YongQin Joker Jose Nureen Zo Zahirah Ruby DanHui LiQing [Smileys]

Edwin EngZhen GeraldKoh Jamine JianSiong JiaYing Kingsley Larissa LimYing Ramkee Rebecca SiewChen WeiYuan ZiYuan Zo'sTerrence [SP]

AdrianChua AnthonyKoh BeeHong ChunHoo EricNg Helena JiaYaoChng KaiJie KianHwee LayFang LiangMing WanYi YeeHong ZaiQiang [Kj&Clique]

Betrand HweePing JackSim JeremyHau JiaCong JiaYao Karthi Malissa Roshini WeeLiat YiHan [Bbss]

Aloysius Ong JiaMin JianWei JooBoon JunChi MingWei PeiFeng Richard WenXuanKor [Friends]

Thanks y'all ! And last but not least , special thanks to my huney J ! Thanks baby for the treat and the cake ! YiJiBang ! Love ya lots ! Also its our eleventh month ! Happy eleventh monthsary dear ! Hao Kai Xin !

BUT THIS YEAR HAVENT RECEIVED ANY PRESENTS ! Im hinting ! Lol . Just kidding . ;DD

P.S: Qin , i lazy to blog yet . Shall post your dedication another time ! Haha !

My Loves

I seriously question myself many-a-time : 'Why do i even bother to call back ?' And yes i know the answer to it : 'Because i still treasure this r/s .' I know that one day , there will be a time where by it won't be like this anymore - no more feeling unappreciated , no more feeling insecure and definitely no more feeling unloved(if there is such a word) . And when that time comes , i hope i will be able to love myself again .

Had a wonderful time since ages on Monday with J . Even though it was just having a simple dinner date , i must say i havent felt so joyful since heaven knows when .

Outing with my girls today . It was simply wonderful and awesome ! Hadnt had a good laugh for a very long time . Im not the type of person who laughs easily so it is quite rare for me to be able to laugh so heartily . It was really great today . Enjoyed it so much . Simply love my girls . Hope we can stay friends always . Hope they would always stay this pure and innocent . Xoxo .

Love in CNY

It's new year plus valentine's ! May the love be in everyone's angbaos !

Chinese new year has been alright . Traditional as always . Nothing new . Just visting and eating all the way . But its sad that i still have upcoming exams ! Grrr . Why cant some tiger just eat the exam papers !

Nyway wore the lovely dress + heels that J bought for me on the first day of CNY . Lovely ! Didn't get to eat my kimpo's fabulous and most awesome once-a-year curry chicken that i always look-forward-to though . Cause didn't visit her house this year . That's the sad part . But the happy part is that at least i still have my angbaos . Haha ! Have to study now ! Good luck to me ! UGH ! Red is said to be my lucky colour this year so i'll publish this in RED !

Waste of Time

Weee ! Super duper tired + drowsy right now . Didn't sleep the whole night . Couldn't sleep . Couldn't think . So went out at around 5am to the playground near my house and pondered over alot of things . Went back home at only 7am to get ready for school . Flip through the notes for the test in the train . Didn't have the mood for studying . But i guess im lucky enough . Passed the test still . But it was quite easy . And i managed to finish 20mcqs in less than 5minutes ! Wow . New record . I think im smart actually . Haha . Home-ed after the test . Supposed to have lessons all the way till one but had to get home early to prepare something . Was uber sleepy when i reached home but hafta drag myself . Had a 'hilarious moment' with mom while doing my stuff cause i need her help and she got mad but she really was so funny . LOL . Thought he will come on time but its late now . Don't really have the mood already . Actually i didn't plan to call him but what the heck . The thing is 'rotting' and i guess i shouldn't have prepared it in the first place . It was just a waste of my effort and time .

Can't sleep so im blogging now . Wanted to blog a few times already but just can't get myself to type . I just want to be treated better . I know im irritating . I know that . But i just can't help it . I just can't be left alone . Im afraid i would do something foolish . Not to you , but to myself . Because it happened before and i don't wanna repeat it . I don't want myself to get hurt again . I don't want to hurt myself again . I know im stupid . But i can't help being born stupid . Someone please help me . Help me get me back . I don't wanna be like this . I wanna be crazy and smile again . Not like this - insecure and crying .

Everything is replaying again . Just that , its worse this time . At least i have so many wonderful memories then . But now , i can't think of one happy moment . Maybe one , when the story first started . Im tired . Real tired . I really wish i can just give up . At least it wont hurt so much . Actually it was all over when you replied " Kinda ." to " No feelings ?" . I just didn't want to accept the fact . Im not strong you know . I hate myself for being so weak . I know you're just deceiving me when you say you still love me . Im just deceiving myself as well . I just can't stop loving you . Because i can't forgive you . I never could . I thought i could get revenge . But i couldn't . And now , im in a worse state .

X Month

It doesn't exactly feel like the X month . Yea , it's just another month . So what ? Why should i care when you don't . Im a girl and i love being pampered . Be it in whatever ways . And yes , i love romance . And i also don't think that folding hearts and stars for the other party are in any way useless or redundant . In fact , i absolutely love accepting these kind of 'useless' gifts . At least there is the thought ! I love rocher as much as ever and i still miss my heart-shaped lollipop . Be it in the past , present or the future , i can never get too much of sweet thoughtful gifts . Even if it's just a chuppa chup , it's the thought that counts .

Cornetto

Cornetto ice cream . Remember this ice cream ? There was once when Cornetto came up with Cornetto Royale and it comes in five different flavours . Royale Chocoluv , Royale Blackforest Blossom , Royale Cookies & Sweet Dreams , Royale Tiramissyou and , Royal Miss You Berry Much . I've tasted it all , tried it all with ya . I have to say sorry to you J . Cause when you offered me the ice cream , i didnt know it would lead me to think of the past . I was stunned . I thought i was gonna cry . All memories dawned upon me at once . I thought it was long forgotten already . Now i realised that there were so many so many so many fond memories . And little by little , everything came back to me in all sorts of ways . Why is it so ? I simply couldn't understand . Why now ? I hope it will be forgotten again soon . But i can promise one thing . I really love you J . It's true .

A Masquerade

Ugly .

That's what the world is , that's what my little world is : Ugly .

Back when i was a kid , i used to think that the world is beautiful . Everything was so lovely . And at times , i even feel that i was beautiful , cause i was livin' in such a beautiful world . But everything was just a facade . Slowly , things began to unfold as i grew . The world no longer reflect a beautiful picture . As i grew , i find that everyone in this society wears a mask and everyone behaves so unnaturally . Everyone pretends to be someone they're not , be it pretending to be kind , friendly , "cool" or even fillial . It's like a make-believe world . It's not that all of us wants to pretend , it's because we have to in order to fit in to this society . Everyone is just so pseudo . Can't you tell that she's just saying that dress is pretty cause you think so ? Can't you tell that both of you are trying so hard to be "friends" and he's constantly trying to think of things to say so as to spare the awkwardness ? Everyone of us puts on a mask from the very moment we learn to think . Cause in thinking , we think of how we want to be . In our minds , we would say : "I want to be friendly ! I want to be outgoing ! I want to make alot of friends !" And so , we develop from there , putting on a mask to be the person we want to , but aint who we really are . It's like a masquerade .

Something interesting happened today . Had GEMs as usual and i had to do this group thing for my CA10 . However, since i wasn't friends with anyone in the class and i badly wanted to do "juno" ( cause i had been thinkin' of it for weeks ) , it was kinda difficult . Was asked by this girl named Thivya to join her and her friends ( Inez & HweeLeng ) as a group . Of course i was more than happy to accept . Then , one of them asked whether if it's okay with me that we do "juno" ! Wow ! Is that awesome or what ! It's like telepathy . Lol .

Dinner-ed with Shuqi at bpp and had my curry chicken . Yum ! Satisfied my craving . Walked around for a bit and home-d . I miss J a lot more recently - no idea why though . Lastly im overjoyed for having changed my blogskin ! Bored of the previous one . Cheers !

Im fooking( Credits to Zo ) sick again ! It's like my fifth time? since last year ! Good thing out of it is that i have 2days MC . Cheers ! Zhen Jie dragged me to the doctor yesterday . Haha . The doctor checked so long that it seems as if i have tons of problems ! Scary ! But the doctor was so good , gave me a discount . Heh heh . Usually i think it would be around 30 or 40 bucks but he only charged me 26dollars . Probably cause im so adorable ! Heh !

Once again thank you Zhen Jie for taking care of me ohh ! Owe you so much so much ! Haha . It's so awesome to have loving friends (:

Can't fall sleep at all so im posting at this hour . Having a major 'migrain' ! First week of school wasn't too bad . Got back all my papers and all was quite well done except for one . 3As , 1B and 1D- . Gotta buck up on my AE&E .

I won't deny that im feeling insecure . Hope you're sleeping tight now .

Woo ! Celebrated Jiaying's Birthday today at west coast park . And Siewchen was evil ! Haha . Today must be the most embarrasing day of my life ! Cant believe i actually carried EIGHTEEN balloons with SC while boarding the train ! Everyone was just staring ! Plus those balloons keep hitting people and there were constant apologies made . Tsk tsk . But it was kinda fun . Haha . I want eighteen balloons for my upcoming birthday as well ! *Im hinting all of you guys . Thank you .*

After street jazz today , went to lucky plaza with WX to shop for this cologne for her dad . Yay ! Felt so much better after knowing that i didn't over-react over a certain matter ( cause she said she would definitely react like me if it happens to her ) so , yay ! Agreed with her that WH was better in terms of " hong-ing (pacify-ing) " . I almost forgotten about the huge lollipop i received if she never reminded me . Think its diameter was around thirtyplus-cm . Also received a reindeer chocolate lolly during x'mas and a heart-shaped lolly for valentine's . Was really super sweet and touched . Plus the heart-shaped lolly was really nice even though i took days to finish it cause it's quite big as well . Lol . All those little things really did make me happy cause afterall im a girl . Im glad at least i had these little moments before .

I really wish i was a kid again . At least hating boys was so much easier than loving them .

2010 is here ! Not a good thing for me definitely ! Cause im already feeling old ! Gonna turn eighteen so so soon ! NOOOOOO .. Nyway celebrated new year's eve / new year with a barbeque at bukit purmei with kaijie and clique . Quite fun actually but at some point i was so tired as i woke up early for work on the eve . Initially was upset cause i was supposed to meet my girls but they didn't have the mood to go out and thus the outing cancelled ! But i had a sleepover at shuqi's house on new year so they're forgiven ! At least for shuqi's sake . Haha . Miss my girls so much ! Nyway made some resolutions for the new year and hopefully i could follow them !

One . Score good grades .
Two . Repay my debts !
Three . Save money !
Four . Be more understanding .
Five . Find someone who can pamper me ALOT .

Saw Hy the other day and dont know what was it that i felt . It just feels so strange seeing him . Wont deny that he's definitely more good-looking but he's still making tons of excuses as usual . Btw , i know you don't want me . But i just can't let go for now . Give me time , i promise i'll let it go , but slowly of course . I know it sucks for you now . But i really appreciate that you'll be patient . Im sorry but i can assure you that im trying to let go right now little by little , just like this instance .